I need to stop having crying seizures when I go to the dentist.
It’s getting a little embarrassing.
107 Days
Does the crew of Modern Family have the tendency to like…die a lot?
Because I feel like 50% of the episodes are in memory of someone.
I WON THE “DON’T COME TO A FULL STOP ON THE FREEWAY” GAME.
I’m a little too proud of myself for this.
Guys…this is the uncle from Spy Kids. Name and actor and everything. He’s getting an R-rated goreporn spin-off.
…I both hate this and want to see it just in case they make a Spy Kids reference all at once. You don’t have to tell me that I’m a confused and pathetic person.
So this ticket has officially cost me $720.
Here’s the breakdown:
- $630 for the initial ticket.
- $65 for traffic school when I failed to win my trial (apparently the only words the judge needed to hear were, “Your Honor, I wouldn’t have pulled her over if I wasn’t sure” from the cop for me to be a negligent driver and guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt).
- $10 for the two times I parked in the courthouse lot.
- $15 for the bottle of vodka I’m buying the minute I’m in Boston to forget about this stupid fucking ticket that I’m not guilty of but paying for anyway.
I know that every time I mention this show, it’s to bitch…and I have absolutely no qualms with continuing this trend.
How stupid is this fucking opening sequence? Like, I almost enjoy the music, but the rest of it is just shit. The ending in particular gets me, with her stupid little card swipe and smug smirk. And the awkward dance she does with that guy, and. I think my hatred for this show is getting irrational, and I think I recognize this, which is why I continue to keep giving it chances. Because I’m trying to prove myself wrong or something.
Things that are awesome: going to Manhattan Beach at midnight.
Things that are less awesome: getting stared at by creepers standing around a life guard station, accidentally stumbling in on people having sex on the beach (can we just take a moment to recognize how uncomfortable that would be, because sand gets everywhere? Okay, thanks) in possibly the most well-lit area out of the whole fucking shore, and discovering that your feet are firmly planted in what is apparently a sand crab nesting ground (hint: they’re not so pleased about your presence).
I could not deal with this woman and her stupid hat. Like, I wasn’t aware you could make a purple plaid messenger cap any fucking uglier, and then she had to wear it backward. This would look horrific on a misguided teenager, and yet this woman is rocking a blatant fashion fail in her early 30s.
Why, God? Why.
But seriously, what the fuck is up with my street and moon bounces? This is the third one on the block this summer, and it’s a different house every time.
Oh, and now my neighbors think I’m some kind of pedophile because I kept trying and failing to take a picture.
License Plate Frame: “I’m not spoiled! I’m not I’m not I’m not!”
The license plate itself simply read: “KRIISTA”.
File this under “People who are begging to get rear-ended part II”.
So this is a thing.
And then I saw a guy with a pot leaf tattooed on his enormous calf.
Patrons of California Pizza Kitchen: redefining class for as long as I can remember.
And then I got my gums stabbed and my teeth drilled.
So I guess I came back from college with two pretty sizable cavities and one enormous cavity. I’m sorry if that’s TMI like woah, but I’m actually really pissed about this. Like, I know it’s my fault for getting them initially (even though I haven’t the faintest idea how; I’ve had the same regular brushing routine for as long as I can remember and have only suffered one very small cavity in my whole life back in sixth grade), but apparently there’s no way they could’ve appeared overnight, and last time I got my teeth cleaned and x-rayed was only six months ago. So how did the guy who worked on my teeth last time totally miss this very vital fact?
I nearly had a panic attack when they shot me with Novocain. Hyperventilation, crying, the works. They had to stop for a while and then restart again because the dentist thought my heartbeat was too wild or something. The nail marks I left in my hand from gripping so hard have been there for well over 36 hours and still have yet to fade.
I’d say fuck the dentist, but at least they caught it before I needed a root canal.
I was like a mile and a half from winning the “don’t come to a complete stop at any point on the freeway” game today when some giant truck cut me off then slammed on the breaks.
And I was so excited, because I BARELY used any gas driving downtown this morning, but then the drive home was so obnoxiously backed up that I ended up using a full eighth anyway.
Failwhale.
Things I need to get used to: not being taken seriously when I tell people that I want to write teen fiction for a living.
Seriously, 90% of the conversations go like the one that happened today when Shannon and I were talking to this one woman:
Woman: Oh, so what are you two majoring in?
Shannon: I’m actually doing a double major in Psychology and English.
Me: I study Writing, Literature, and Publishing.
Woman: Really? What do you plan to do with your degree?
Me: I’m really hoping to make a name for myself writing young adult fiction.
Woman: ………….Shannon! You mentioned you were interested in Psychology? What a fascinating subject. Tell me more.
